(20) Breaking Away from Enabling

Further exploration of Sharon Martin’s article looking at: “How Codependents Can Stop Enabling and Controlling.” Looking at the habits that allow the problematic behavior of others. Learning how co-dependency is often concerned with the stories we tell ourselves to avoid the uncertainty of deeper questions and keep us from exploring our lives. We are so much more than what we often let ourselves believe.

If you missed the first part on this article be sure to check out episode 19 The Codependent in All of Us

enabling

What is Enabling

We all live our lives connected to others, so co-dependent behaviors are things we all do. The problem isn’t the behavior itself, but how often we do it. For instance, dropping off your partner’s lunch because they forgot it, never is unhelpful, once is supportive, daily is enabling, healthy is somewhere on the spectrum between never and daily. Exchange the example with any behavior, cleaning up, covering money owed for bills, accepting being late without calling. Learning to discern where the healthy boundary is for a particular behavior is the challenge. Self-awareness, deep questions, and good communication skills allow us to create healthy boundaries and avoid falling into the trap of enabling.

Further Reading:

Communication as Communal-Creation – Communication is at its core the communion of your experience and the experience the person you are speaking with. When done well, together you manifest a communal world of understanding and growth.

Relationships: They Are Us – “We are like the company we keep,” is more than just philosophical observance or parental admonishment, it is the central fact of our lives.

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