When we experience the hope for a new relationship the first thing that comes up is feelings. What is happening when we have “feelings” for someone? Feelings are an immediate assessment and judgment and contain all our inherent biases. You can’t get rid of thoughts or feelings, but you can adjust them. Feelings require no particular behavior or action. We can learn to respond from the place of what we value.
How should we respond when we have that experience? Ethics play a role in how we respond. Often there is the question, I’m attracted to this person, what should I do? Your attraction requires no specific action. How is the person responding to you? Would your attention be welcome?
What should we expect from the other person? Feelings do not require a response from the other person. Your feelings are yours and they are free to have their own feelings. How the person responds to your feelings will tell you a lot about them, not just how they feel about your feelings. Are they kind? Are they open to a relationship? How do they define relationship and how does that fit with yours?
This episode explores the hope for a relationship, the feelings that arise, and more, with an eye towards what our shared humanity is trying to tell us in what we finding interesting, desirable, and attractive.
Resources:
Eight Dates by John Gottman, Julie Shultz Gottman and Doug Abrams
If you’d like to learn more communication skills and explore how relationships work in your life, please reach out for Coaching or Therapy.