Accepting change as a foundational law of life can help us on our journeys of discovery and see others more clearly. It is said the life is what happens while making other plans. We strive to have control over our lives and experiences, yet this is an illusion. We have evolved through a series of fortunate “accidents” be they genetic, environmental, or by design.
Essentially Darwin, and evolutionary theory after him, saw organisms as being in the world, where change is a complex interplay between the internal world (what later would be understood as genes) of the organism and the external world in which they exist. This begins the discussion not at the level of the individual, where debates of experience and nativism, nature and nurture, play out, but at the level of relationship, of the interaction of organism and environment. To focus on one or the other is to ignore that the fundamental unit of reality is relational interaction.
We typically focus on the details of what we are consciously doing, yet our dissatisfaction often comes from our unconscious habits. Another source of discomfort is when life throws us a sudden change in circumstance, that takes our well-laid plans and leaves rubble in its wake.
Allowing for change helps us see others and ourselves as constantly in flux, and while we may still rightly disagree with particular behaviors, we can still see one another as having the potential to do something new. Change is fundamental and guaranteed, what works today may not work tomorrow, so let’s treat each other with compassion.
Leading the Life You Want by Stewart D. Friedman