(41) How We Can Deepen Intimacy and Why it’s Important

intimacy

We’ve been exploring habits and steps for building and maintaining healthy relationships. Here we continue that journey by looking at intimacy and its connection to authenticity. We can learn to express different parts of ourselves in different situations and through different relationships, by building the space for honestly reflecting on whether the person you’re showing up as is the person you want to explore becoming. The answer might surprise you.

When people observe the ways in which the soul is manifesting itself, they are enriched rather than impoverished. They receive back what is theirs, the very thing they have assumed to be so horrible that it should be cut out and tossed away. When you regard the soul with an open mind, you begin to find the messages that lie within the illness, the corrections that can be found in remorse and other uncomfortable feelings, and the necessary changes requested by depression and anxiety.

Moore, Thomas. Care of the Soul Twenty-fifth Anniversary Edition: A Guide for Cultivating Depth and Sacredness in Everyday Life (p. 6). HarperCollins.

The Four Agreements – How They Can Deepen Intimacy

Be Impeccable with Your Word – The Foundation of Intimacy

Being impeccable with your word is the correct use of your energy; it means to use your energy in the direction of truth and love for yourself. If you make an agreement with yourself to be impeccable with your word, just with that intention, the truth will manifest through you and clean all the emotional poison that exists within you.

Ruiz, Don Miguel; Mills, Janet. The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom (A Toltec Wisdom Book)

When you show up in your relationships, authentically, you will have disagreements. There will be moments where what you Value feels challenged. To create intimacy you must be willing to embrace the discomfort of disagreement. You must be willing to explore the situation from a place of mutual respect, and connection to find common ground. You may find that what you each value is the same but how you meet the value is different.

Don’t Take Anything Personally – Is Intimacy Safe Here

If someone is not treating you with love and respect, it is a gift if they walk away from you. If that person doesn’t walk away, you will surely endure many years of suffering with him or her. Walking away may hurt for a while, but your heart will eventually heal. Then you can choose what you really want. You will find that you don’t need to trust others as much as you need to trust yourself to make the right choices.

Ruiz, Don Miguel; Mills, Janet. The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom (A Toltec Wisdom Book).

All Intimacy requires you to be vulnerable, to be seen. It can leave you feeling naked and exposed. Yet the benefits are worth the discomfort. A deep sense of connection and belonging can grow when you bring your authentic selves, your passion, and your willingness to be present with your partner.

Intimacy and Vulnerability

Don’t Make Assumptions – Be Curious

Making assumptions in our relationships is really asking for problems. Often we make the assumption that our partners know what we think and that we don’t have to say what we want. We assume they are going to do what we want, because they know us so well. If they don’t do what we assume they should do, we feel so hurt and say, “You should have known.”

Ruiz, Don Miguel; Mills, Janet. The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom (A Toltec Wisdom Book)

Always Do Your Best – Intimacy in Action

Action is about living fully. Inaction is the way that we deny life. Inaction is sitting in front of the television every day for years because you are afraid to be alive and to take the risk of expressing what you are. Expressing what you are is taking action. You can have many great ideas in your head, but what makes the difference is the action. Without action upon an idea, there will be no manifestation, no results, and no reward.

Ruiz, Don Miguel; Mills, Janet. The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom (A Toltec Wisdom Book)

Utilizing the Four Agreements in your personal relationships will help lay the foundation for a deeper level of intimacy. First you must develop trust, open slowly but consistently, allowing time for evaluation, you want to be sure that your partner is with you on this journey of mutual discovery.

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